Have you ever done one of those thought experiments where you try to identify your motivation by asking yourself “why is this important to me” over and over again? For example, if you’re wanting to figure out your motivation for exercising, it might go like this:
Q: Why is it important to me to exercise?
A: Because I want to be fit!
Q: Why is it important to me to be fit?
A: Because I want to look good!
Q: Why is it important to me to look good?
A: Because I want people to like the way I look.
Q: Why is it important to me that people like the way I look?
A: Because I want people to think highly of me.
Q: Why is it important to me that people think highly of me?
A: Because I want approval from those around me.
At this risk of going deeper into the depths of my depraved soul, I’ll stop there. But what we have ended up with is this:
Q: Why is it important to me to exercise?
A: Because I want approval from those around me.
Ouch! Luckily, this is completely hypothetical (yea…definitely hypothetical…). But I think you get the picture – digging deep can reveal a lot about our motivations for the things we do in life. Understanding our motivations is essential if we want to understand ourselves better and why we do what we do.
So, as I’ve been thinking about work-life balance, I thought it would be a good idea to dive into motivation. Why do I want work-life balance anyway? Why does anyone want it? Do I want it for the same reason other people do? And what is that reason?
Note: if you missed my Introduction Post about this whole newsletter endeavor, be sure to go back and check it out for some backstory.
So I decided to walk through this thought experiment on my own and start with the question: “Why is it important to me to have work-life balance?”
Can I tell you something? What I thought my motivation was and what it ended up being were two totally different things.
I was dead wrong.
And I think you are too.
Why I *thought* work-life balance was important to me
Before going through this exercise, I thought my motivations were pretty simple. Why is work-life balance important to me? It is important to me because it provides things like:
- more time for family, friends, and leisure
- ample time to accomplish my work
- sustainable habits and rhythms for both work and life
- space for a healthy body and mind
- an overall happier life
Throughout our journey in entrepreneurship, my wife and I have made a very intentional effort to balance our work life and family life. Life is always a balancING act – never fully balanced, but an active role we play in creating a life we love. What balancing looks like for us:
- we work hard and play hard
- we spend a LOT of time with our kids and as a family (sometimes too much…especially in February. Cabin fever anyone?)
- we do work that we find meaningful and enjoyable
- we have a non-traditional schedule that is flexible that is constantly evolving
- we have established health habits and rhythms for work and home life
- we exercise and actively pursue healthy bodies and minds
- we make time for leisure activities for each member of the family
- we have family sabbath that we take very seriously
But in reality – these are outcomes, not motivations. So what is the actual motivation for me (or for you) to want a balanced life?
What I found out about my motivation for work-life balance
So, I did the “why is this important to me” thought experiment to find out. If the example I gave earlier is any indication, this did indeed reveal some things in my heart that are worth thinking about. It hurt a little. But it was also enlightening.
Maybe I’m wrong, but I think most of us would end up in a similar place.
Q: Why is it important to me to have work-life balance?
A: Because I don’t want to work my life away.
Q: Why is it important to me to not work my life away?
A: Because I believe there are more important things in life than work.
Q: Why is it important to me that there are more important things in life than work?
A: Because I’ve never been truly, fully happy in my work, and I want to believe that fulfillment is available somewhere
Q: Why is it important to me that fulfillment is available from somewhere?
A: Because being fulfilled is one of the deepest desires of my heart
So now we’ve gotten to a very deep, core desire. We could potentially go further, but at the risk of really embarrassing myself, I’ll hold off for now. So what we have found is:
Q: Why is it important to me to have work-life balance?
A: Because being fulfilled is one of the deepest desires of my heart
Let me repeat: Being fulfilled is one of the deepest desires of my heart.
Maybe that doesn’t hit you like it hit me, but when I wrote that down it was just…I don’t know – hard? Fulfillment and I have a long, complicated relationship. I think there are 2 primary reasons why this hit me the way it did:
- I realized I’ve always looked for fulfillment in my work but have yet to find what I’m looking for.
- I realized this isn’t where I’m supposed to be looking to find fulfillment.
The second point is what hurts the most. I’m looking for fulfillment in the wrong place. And if I’m looking in the wrong place, I’m not going to find it.
Even worse – I know better.
The truth about living a fulfilled life
What is living a fulfilled life? There are a lot of definitions out there, but I think most can be summed up by saying a fulfilled life is a life filled with purpose and meaning.
So all those outcomes from earlier (aka those things formerly known as ‘motivations’) feel good because they give life a feeling of purpose and meaning.
That’s why spending time with our family feels good to us.
That’s why working hard on work we care deeply about feels good to us.
That’s why leisure activities and having healthy bodies and minds feel good to us.
All these things make us feel filled with purpose and meaning. They are a result of living a fulfilled life.
Now the question again: Why is it important to us to live a fulfilled life?
Countless people over history have attempted to answer this question. I’ve been writing for, oh, approximately 16 days or something at this point. So obviously, I’m qualified to answer with extreme authority.
That said, I actually do have extreme confidence in my answer to this question.
We were made to be fulfilled and live fulfilling lives. Fulfillment is what we were created for. We long for fulfillment deeply because were created, intentionally, to live our lives full of purpose and meaning.
And if we were made for it, then it IS possible to find.
But we have to look for it in the right place.
But just knowing it IS possible pumps me up.
I hope it pumps you up too.
One final note – this is not strictly a “faith & spirituality” newsletter, but it is impossible to tackle the topic of fulfillment, and the topic of work-life balance as a whole, without addressing this simple fact: faith in Jesus is foundational and essential to living a fulfilled (and balanced) life. If this idea interests you, email me – I’d love to discuss it with you.
Homework
Do this thought experiment for yourself. What is your motivation for wanting work-life balance?
Let me know – I’d love to hear!
Leave a comment below!
What I’m Reading
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- EntreLeadership by Dave Ramsey
- Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling
- How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie
- Be Ready (1 & 2 Thessalonians): Living in Light of Christ’s Return by Warren W. Wiersbe
- James by Percival Everett
I read a lot. It’s a vital part of learning. I’ve put together a list of my favorite books organized by application area: life, faith, business, parenting/family, etc.
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